Pat's Draft Guidelines for a Safer Sex Family
Table of Contents
PURPOSE: To establish an intentional space for lovers to play within,
in such a way that they will be reasonably safe to engage in "unprotected" sexual intercourse
with each other, without "overly restricting" how they are able to engage sexually with
others "outside" of the "safer sex family".
PRINCIPLES necessary for success: Radical Honesty, 100% Personal
Responsibility, Exquisite Integrity, and Trust.
Guidelines:
- SEXUAL INTERCOURSE (genital and anal) with any others, not
within the safer sex family, will always occur with "accepted protection mechanisms" in place.
Suggested "Acceptible protection mechanisms" include a "properly used" male or female latex or polyurethane condom.
"Properly used" requires a good bit of knowledge and attention. Including placing the condom on the erect cock, having no oil on or around body parts which may come into direct contact with the condom, (ie. hands, thighs, bellies, genitals) checking "regularly" for proper "hold" during extended love making, and a lack and alas, withdrawal of the cock while holding the condom in place soon after cumming (sigh, I always regret that part)
Unacceptible protection mechanisms within safer sex family guidelines are sheep skin condoms, diaphrams, gels, foams etc., which are not effective as protection against passing STDs. (even if they do have some effectiveness as contraceptives)
- ORAL SEX with any others, not within the safer sex family, may
occur without "protection mechanisms" in place, if the safer sex family member is "reasonably
comfortable" with the "safety" of the person(s) they will be engaging in "unprotected" oral
sex with. The current information available indicates that there is almost no danger of
contractring HIV for a male or female engaging in oral sex with a female providing that they
have no cuts or open sores in their mouth or on there hands and providing the female is not
bleeding. There is evidence of only a couple of cases of HIV being contracted from engaging in
oral sex with a male. Therefore this is a grey area and will need to be resolved on an individual
basis. It should be noted that this is not a grey area for the transmission of herpes, gonnorhea, syph, etc.
Guidelines for determining that one can be "reasonably comfortable" with that "safety" include: knowing or determining that the other person(s) is a member of another safer sex family whose guidelines mirror or exceed your own; knowing or determining that the other person(s) "always" practices safer sex with their other partners; knowing or determining that the other person(s) has been "monogamous" (up until now at least). And so has their partner. These guidelines appear in the decending order of their "reliability" as a safety determining method. (this "knowing or determining requires very frank and open discussions with potential sexual partners, generally starting by offering information about yourself and how you "operate" as a sexual being and then asking them for similar information) It is of the highest importance to "check in" with yourself on all of the levels you are able to access to think, feel, sense, "divine" the clarity of the space you are entering, any "uncertainty" should be sufficient to tell you not to proceed in this direction with this person. Physical body, emotional body, energy body, and spirit body should each be consulted as best you are able to access those aspects of yourself. (Some examples of what you might be "uncomfortable" with include: your physical body is not completely "comfortable" with how a sexual partner's body smells or tastes, you might feel tension or uncertainty, you might "hear/sense" "I shouldn't do this" inside of your "heart/head". Honor any of these information sources by not proceeding into the grey area of unprotected oral sex.) It should be noted that this checking in is for "negatives" only, as under the circumstances of the question being asked at all, one is already "aware" of the positive reasons to proceed (desire, lust, arousal, etc.). Until one has a "good deal" of experience/feedback with these additional facets of oneself, I do not recommend using this method to "convince" yourself that it is clear to proceed as a positive response. Discriminating "internally" among projection, desire, extrapolation, and "knowing" is a very subtle and in most people, a very underdeveloped skill. For that reason I recommend checking in for "negative" "feelings" and honoring yourself and other safer sex family members by not proceeding if you become aware of any.
- It is also important to be very aware of your own body for open cuts on fingers,
bleeding gums or cuts in your mouth, and menstral blood (your own or a partners) in determining
how it is safe for you to interact with a
sexual partner.
- Safer Sex Family "CLEARING PERIOD": I recommend a minimum
time period of six months as a clearing period for any "new" "prospective" members of a safer
sex family. During which time all sexual activities with the new partner and the members of
the safer sex family and/or between the new partner and any other sexual friends they might
have will occur with full safer sex practices as discussed in the guidelines above. At the beginning of
and the "end" of that time period each "new" "prospective" safer sex family member will undergo testing for all
of the known and testable STDs (ie. HIV, syph, gonorhea, clemydia, etc.) Upon the successful (negative) results
of those tests the "new" person can be accepted into the safer sex family. Blood donor testing is probably not
sufficient for this purpose as I am not sure that they test for all of the STDs. I recommend
this testing be done at the free clinics or a "private" clinic at the choice of the "new"
family member. For people within the safer sex family who are sexually active outside of
the"family", I recommend annual testing..
- SYSTEM FAILURE/ACCIDENTS: There is always the chance of
system failure. Condoms do sometimes break, or even get pulled off by strong female
internal (and excited) muscles. It is the heart of the commitment, trust and integrity
of a safer sex family that should there be any situation in which the safety guidelines are breached, that
fact must be shared with all of the members of the safer sex family and the person who experienced the
"accident" will be put back at the beginning of the safer sex family clearing period.
It is important to remember that even with the delightful freedom and more intimate connection of not having to use a condom when having sex with a lover within the safer sex family, for the most part all we are talking about is a "minor inconvenience" (having to use a condom) as compared to the potential reality of a health or life threatening situation.
Other safer sex considerations/information:
- be very careful never to introduce anal fluids into the cunt of a woman, it will almost always result in an infection.
- CONDOMS: Be very conscious when selecting condoms.
Dry latex condoms are frequently dusted with talc. Talc can cause ovarian cancer and for this reason it is inappropriate to use talc dusted condoms.
Many women (and some men) experience a variety of uncomfortable reactions to the lubricating and spermicidal chemicals on condoms, especially Nonoxyinyl 9.
Some women have an allergic reaction to latex itself. A non-talc dusted dry condom hand lubricated with a natural water based cream or gel (like oil free aloe & Vitamin E cream, etc.) would be ideal in most situations, and the polyurethane condoms (Avante) are a good option for latex sensitive people. Lamb skin condoms do not provide protection from HIV. It is generally a good "practice" to carry a variety of condoms with you. If you or your partners have had a vasectomy or a tubal ligation, then there is absolutely no reason to use a condom with spermicides on it.
It should be noted that even when properly used, condoms do not provide adequate protection from herpes and HPV, genital warts, as both of these STDs can occur outside of the area covered by a condom. It should also be noted that herpes can be transmitted asymptomatically.
- Open mouth kissing (or anything else more intimate) with an HIV infected person is not acceptable within the safer sex family guidelines. Closed mouth kissing and any other non body fluid potential intimacies are fine (ie. massage, hugging and cuddling). It should be noted that it is probably a very good idea to share the information that you are "friendly" with an HIV infected person with the members of your safer sex family so they can make their own decisions about how and under what conditions they choice to engage with you.
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